i’m guilty

of performing shadow work

I’m guilty. Hands up, red handed trying to be the cool girl again.

If I’m not cool for being a wild child then I’ll be cool for traveling the world solo, and if that falls through I’ll be cool for being the most colorful artistic sparkly wonder, and if that slips through my fingers too, then hand me a pen and I’ll be cool for my courage to share my shameful secrets.

From cool girl shining light to cool girl bleeding darkness. I’m praised for being so bubbly and then I’m praised for being so profound. I’ve just moved from one end of the spectrum to the other.

Intensity is still my strategy.

I can’t get away with it anymore. I didn’t see it before.

How did I catch this?

Was it the vulnerability hangover that woke me up with nightmares yesterday?

The urge to divulge as much as I could, pushing myself to say the secrets out-loud? Online. The clever though to “level up” and be that oh so inspiring leader everyone can relate to.

We’ve all learned that vulnerability performs well but...

When does speaking truth cross from authenticity over to performance?

The rest of this post unpacks the parts under the surface — and includes a private audio I recorded in the dark beside the fireplace.